Deepening the spiritual experience of Havdalah
or, an invitation into ritual
“In Judaism, it’s not enough to talk about our ideas. We love talking about our ideas, but we also eat our ideas, and smell our ideas, and wear our ideas, and light our ideas on fire.” - me, explaining ritual to my students. They like the fire part the best :)
Ritual is meant to help us feel, to move our ideas from the head into the heart, so that we might be transformed. Havdalah does this by engaging all our senses, bringing us into our bodies and into the present moment, sanctifying time through our care and attention. But even with all the pyrotechnics, it can be so easy for Havdalah to downgrade from ritual to routine. As leaders, we can make the invitation into ritual magic explicit, being specific with what a participant might want to notice, think, and feel, so they have the highest chance of saying “yes” to the spiritual work of the moment. In other words, how can we make Havdalah “spiritually accessible?”
Here are some examples you can try!
As you turn off the lights
“If you’d like, you can close your eyes. We turn off the lights, moving from regular time into ritual time. Can you commit to being present in this ritual of Havdalah? [turn off lights]. Now, open your eyes.”
As you light the match
“Can you pay attention to notice the moment that the fire goes from not-being, to being? When you see it you can give a little impressed ‘oooh’ sound.”
Before saying hinei el (the opening paragraph)
“We are now in a liminal time, a time between, here between Shabbat and the week. It’s a magical and sacred time, full of possibility. Can you put a hand on your heart and think- what is something that you want to take from your Shabbat and bring into the rest of the week? It can come with you if you choose. Think about it, and imagine placing it on your heart to carry with you.”
Before b’samim (spices)
“As the spices come around, can you close your eyes and take a sniff? Notice the sweet smell, and take a second to enjoy it. Even as shabbat is leaving us, can you take comfort in enjoying something sweet?”
Before ha’esh (fire)
“Can you notice the dancing flame? What seems like something static is actually changing, dancing, filled with many colors and shapes. Can you bring your focus to the flame and feel a little ‘wow’ for the fire?”
or
“Can you raise your hand to see your fingers in the light of the candle? These hands that will create so much this week? Can you notice how beautiful and sacred your hands are, and invite in a feeling of gratitude for your hands?”
Before hamavdil (the last blessing, on separation)
“We are about to express gratitude that even as we are all connected, we are each unique. Can you close your eyes and invite in a feeling of gratitude for your own uniqueness? You can even say to yourself, ‘I am unique.’ There’s never been anyone like you in the history of the universe. How amazing it is that you are here.”
Before putting the candle out
“What kind of week would you like to have? You can decide. Can you set an intention for yourself? May I have a ____ week.”
Or
“Can you notice the moment the fire goes out, and hear the sizzle? May we bring that focus and attention to ourselves, each other, and our world this week. May the sizzle be like an ‘amen’ for all of our wishes for goodness this week.”
Next time you’re leading Havdalah for a group, whether they be kiddos, adults, or both, how can you invite them into the spiritual work of Havdalah? Give these phrases a try, and create your own!